By Catherine N. Karnbo
Relationships are part of the human experience. They can bring us great joy, but they can also be a source of deep pain. As Christians, we do not live in isolation. We relate to family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the world around us.
Yet these relationships can easily break down. Misunderstandings arise, conflicts grow and wounds remain long after the disagreement has ended. Why do relationships that are meant to bring joy sometimes become a source of pain?
Start with Christ
Imagine a woman who wants to have a baby with her husband but does not want a relationship with him. In some ways, our relationship with Christ can look like this. We want what God can give us, but we do not always want to spend time knowing Him.
We pray for blessings, healing, provision and other needs, yet we can neglect the relationship behind those prayers. But a relationship with Christ is about more than asking God for what we want.
So, how is your relationship with Christ?
The answer matters because our other relationships often carry burdens they were never meant to bear. There is no perfect family and no perfect relationship. A spouse, parent, child or friend cannot fill every emptiness within us. That is something only God can do.
When we constantly expect others to meet our deepest emotional and spiritual needs, disappointment is inevitable. We may then become resentful when they fail to meet expectations that were never theirs to fulfil.
A friendship, for example, cannot survive if one person is always taking without giving. Eventually, the other person becomes tired.
Jesus, the true Vine
If we want healthier relationships with others, we must first examine our relationship with God. Jesus is the foundation upon which our other relationships should be built.
In John 15:5, Jesus says: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
The image of the vine is simple but powerful. A branch cannot survive or produce fruit when it is separated from the vine. In the same way, we cannot consistently show love, patience, grace and forgiveness by relying only on our own strength.
When we remain close to Christ, His love shapes the way we relate to others. We become less demanding and more willing to forgive. We stop expecting people to give us what only God can provide.
Let Christ shape your relationships
When Jesus becomes the source of our fulfilment, the way we see other people changes. We no longer see them simply as people who should meet our needs. Instead, we see them as people whom God has called us to love.
This should influence every area of our lives.
In our families, are we demanding perfection from our spouses, children or parents, or are we extending the grace Christ has shown us?
At work and in leadership, are we treating our colleagues with humility, honesty and respect?
In our communities, do we treat strangers with kindness and recognise the value of every person God has created?
The answer to many of our relationship struggles may not be to find the perfect person. It may be to strengthen our relationship with the One who alone can meet the deepest needs of our hearts.
Let us stop expecting human relationships to do the work only God can do. Instead, let us remain rooted in Christ and allow Him to shape the way we love, forgive, serve and relate to others.
When Christ is at the centre, our relationships may not become perfect, but we can become better people within them.
