By Dickson Tumuramye
Living together harmoniously is not always easy, as disagreements, misunderstandings, and disputes are bound to arise.
However, when properly managed, conflicts can be constructive, helping individuals recognise their strengths and weaknesses while fostering personal and relational growth.
One common mistake families make is avoiding conflict resolution or delaying addressing issues. Family disputes often stem from poor communication, jealousy, malice, backbiting, parental favouritism, income disparities, changes in social status, unequal distribution of family property, sibling rivalry, and interference from in-laws.
Recognise the problem
The first step in managing family conflicts is identifying the root cause and acknowledging its impact. Family members must be willing to confront the issue and work towards a resolution. This requires open-mindedness, mutual respect, and a sincere commitment to finding a solution that benefits all parties involved.
Maintain open communication
Effective conflict resolution begins with honest and respectful communication. Family members should feel free to express their emotions and concerns without attacking or hurting others. Misunderstandings often escalate when individuals fail to communicate openly or spread rumours instead of addressing issues directly.
The Bible offers wisdom on handling conflicts in Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Unresolved conflicts can lead to deeper divisions and negative consequences, whereas timely discussions prevent prolonged resentment.
Exercise self-control
During conflicts, emotions can run high, leading to outbursts of anger, harsh words, or even physical altercations. Practising self-control is essential to prevent the situation from worsening. Instead of resorting to shouting, threats, or violence, take deep breaths, remain calm, and choose words carefully to de-escalate tension.
Ephesians 4:26-27 advises: “And do not sin by letting anger control you. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” This scripture underscores the importance of addressing conflicts promptly while maintaining emotional restraint.
Prioritise peace, harmony
The Bible further advises in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Living peacefully requires intentional effort and a commitment to resolving conflicts rather than fuelling them. Recognising potential triggers early and addressing them calmly can prevent disputes from escalating.
Involve other family members, authorities
According to Matthew 18:15: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” If a conflict proves too difficult to resolve privately, involving trusted family members, such as elders, siblings, or parents, can be beneficial. They can mediate and facilitate reconciliation. However, if the issue remains unresolved at the family level, external intervention from local leaders, community elders, religious leaders, or legal authorities may be necessary.
Seek mediation
Some conflicts cause significant emotional distress, leading to anxiety, depression, or estrangement among family members. If emotions become overwhelming, professional counselling or mediation can help restore relationships. Mental health is crucial to overall well-being, and unresolved family conflicts can negatively impact emotional stability. Seeking professional support early can prevent long-term damage and promote healing.
Forgiveness, reconciliation
Forgiveness is a powerful tool in conflict resolution. When family members acknowledge their mistakes and express remorse, healing can begin. This fosters stronger relationships and unity within the family. Psalm 133:1 states: “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity.”
The Bible further encourages forgiveness in Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” True reconciliation requires humility, active listening, and a commitment to moving forward without harbouring grudges.
Encourage love
1 Peter 4:8 advises: “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Likewise, Proverbs 10:12 states: “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” Fostering a culture of love and mutual respect within the family can significantly reduce conflicts.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reminds us of the fundamental role of love in our lives, describing its attributes such as patience, kindness, and perseverance. By embracing love, families can strengthen their bonds and navigate conflicts more effectively.
Set clear boundaries
Some conflicts arise due to unclear boundaries, roles, guidelines, or expectations within a family structure. Establishing and respecting boundaries is essential for maintaining harmony. Every family member should understand their limits and avoid unnecessary interference in others’ matters.
Each family member has a role to play in creating a harmonious and supportive home environment. Choosing to resolve conflicts positively will enable families to thrive in love, peace, and unity.
The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting coach, marriage counsellor, and founder of the Men of Purpose mentorship programme.
tumudickson@gmail.com
