By Lilian Ntege
Every evening, once the children are finally asleep, Margret Nakakande, mother of three, collapses onto her couch, seeking just a couple of hours to recover from what she describes as “the trauma” of the day.
To an outsider, the exhaustion might seem perplexing. “Why are you so tired when you’ve been home all day?” they might ask. Sometimes, even her husband wonders the same.
Nakakande responds with a weary smile, unable to articulate the burden she’s been carrying since sunrise. How does one begin to describe the mental and physical toll of sleepless nights, early morning school prep, breakfast battles, diaper changes, packing lunchboxes, ensuring her husband is sorted, night feeds, supervising laundry, managing tantrums, keeping the home in order, overseeing homework, hunting for missing socks, attending hospital appointments, and juggling a never-ending to-do list spinning endlessly in her head?
“I don’t mind doing the work. I just wish it was seen, valued, and shared,” she says.
This is the reality for many parents, especially mothers, who bear the weight of invisible labour.
What is invisible labour?
Invisible labour refers to the unpaid, often unnoticed work that keeps families functioning. It is frequently viewed as ‘natural’ things that should be done, and therefore not recognised as actual labour deserving appreciation or compensation.
It includes the mental, emotional, and organisational tasks involved in managing a household and raising children. These duties, planning meals, remembering immunisation schedules, monitoring emotional wellbeing, ensuring clothes are clean and ironed, arranging playdates, anticipating needs, are often dismissed as simply “part of being a parent”.
But this kind of work largely takes place in the mind. It is a constant mental juggling act of planning, worrying, organising, and problem-solving, even when no one else sees it happening.
Hidden mental load
In recent years, the term ‘mental load’ has gained attention as a way to describe this cognitive burden. Research shows that even in households where chores are more evenly divided, mothers are often the default planners and problem-solvers.
“I work a 9-to-5 job just like my husband, but somehow I’m still the one who remembers the next hospital appointment, ensures the kids’ homework is done, tracks academic schedules, and checks on their mental wellbeing.”
Invisible labour is not limited to logistics. It includes emotional labour, the work of comforting, nurturing, mediating, teaching, and absorbing the emotions of others.
“I’m constantly monitoring the emotional climate of the household. I help my children process their feelings while holding my own together,” she explains.
When this labour goes unrecognised, it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a deep sense of invisibility. Many mothers experience mental health struggles as a result.
Making the invisible visible
For many mothers, speaking openly about invisible labour is a turning point. Having honest conversations with partners, and even with children, can relieve some of the mental burden.
Nakakande recalls: “I began telling my husband everything that was on my mind, not to make him feel guilty, but so he could understand the load I was carrying. From there, we could start working out how to share it.”
Mothers speak out
Anna Maria Nakintu, mother of two boys, says parenting often feels like carrying hundreds of invisible tasks, none of which are clocked, rewarded, or even noticed.
“It’s not just the meals cooked or the diapers changed, it’s everything beneath and between. It’s what keeps the household running and the family feeling whole,” she says.
She adds that invisible work can be especially draining because it is expected to be done out of love. “It’s rarely acknowledged as labour, but it matters. Not just for fairness, but because this quiet, relentless work is what holds families and communities together.”
Dorcus Nyakato, a new mother to a four-month-old baby girl, says emotional support has made her world different.
“It was draining at first, sleepless nights with a colicky baby, trying to look after both her health and mine. But I’m grateful my husband stepped up. We talked, and now we share responsibilities,” she says.
Way through
Invisible labour may be hidden, but its impact is real and lasting. For mothers across Uganda, and around the world—simply having their work acknowledged would be a significant step forward.
“I don’t mind doing the work. I just want to be seen, valued, and supported,” Nakakande emphasises.
Until that happens, many mothers will continue to hold families together, not just with their hands, but with their invisible, tireless care.
And unless society begins to structurally recognise and support the work of raising children, especially the unseen emotional and mental labour—the burden will remain unequal, falling disproportionately on mothers’ shoulders.
