By Sandra Mutesi
Self-confidence is the belief that you can achieve something beyond your current experiences and skills. It is nurtured through practising self-kindness and setting realistic, achievable goals. Though it is a gradual process, confidence is a skill that can be developed through learning, reflection, and persistence.
On the other hand, a lack of self-esteem can cause people to have an unstable view of themselves and feel uncertain about their abilities. Without proper guidance or counselling, this can affect both mental and physical health.
Before we look at ways to build confidence, let us first explore the common signs of low self-esteem.
Signs of low self-esteem
Poor confidence
In her article ‘11 Signs of Self-Esteem’, Kendra Cherry notes that poor confidence worsens feelings of self-doubt. A person who feels they have no control over their circumstances may believe they cannot create change either in their own life or in the world around them. Such individuals often feel powerless to solve problems.
This is sometimes linked to the fear that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As a result, people with low self-regard may believe they do not deserve support. They may constantly second-guess themselves, doubt their opinions, or defer to others instead of trusting their own judgement. Over time, this can make decision-making extremely difficult.
Fear of failure
Low confidence often shows up as fear of failure. People may avoid challenges or give up on goals quickly without attempting them. To hide feelings of inadequacy, they might make excuses or blame external factors.
A 2017 study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem often struggle to accept compliments. Positive feedback is met with suspicion because it conflicts with their negative self-beliefs. Similarly, experiences of rejection or abuse can damage one’s sense of worth, while a lack of encouragement may hinder the development of healthy confidence.
Social pressures
Constant comparison, especially on social media, can heighten feelings of inadequacy. Life changes such as divorce, job loss, or academic struggles may also lower one’s sense of identity and value.
Mental health challenges, such as depression, can negatively affect thoughts and self-perception. Unreasonable self-expectations such as setting unrealistically high standards, can also set people up for disappointment and further loss of confidence.
Discrimination based on race, gender, or background undermines self-worth, while physical conditions such as chronic pain can weaken both mental and physical resilience.
How to boost and maintain confidence
Recognise your strengths
Celebrate the things you are good at, whether it is cooking, baking, or creating something new. Acknowledging your abilities helps reinforce a positive self-image.
Build positive relationships
Surround yourself with people who uplift you, support your growth, and value your well-being.
Practise assertiveness
Assertiveness is about expressing your needs clearly and respectfully while respecting others. It helps you set healthy boundaries and strengthens self-trust.
Learn to say ‘no’
Saying no protects your time, energy, and emotional well-being. It allows you to focus on priorities that truly matter.
Be kind to yourself
According to Beth Sissons (2024), practising self-kindness involves using positive affirmations and reminding yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. She also highlights the importance of self-care, ensuring good-quality sleep, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in physical activity.
Sissons further advises practising confident body language and clear speech patterns. These not only project assurance but also help build it internally. She also recommends keeping a record of personal achievements and compliments received as a reminder of progress.
Dress for confidence
Leo Babauta (2024) suggests that dressing well can boost self-esteem, making you feel presentable, capable, and ready to face challenges.
Self-confidence is not about perfection, but about believing in your worth and abilities despite challenges. It is built step by step, through positive choices, healthy habits, and a supportive environment. Remember, confidence grows when you nurture it.
